Mirror, Mirror on the wall

Mum you are just beautiful
I don’t know…. what’s “fat”?
I think you are beautiful,
don’t pinch your face like that.
To me you are so beautiful
What did the mirror do?
You’re looking very sad you see
You don’t like the view?
Who’s in there?
Who upset you?
I only see my mum
I want to go and play with you,
But you’re looking at your bum.
Mum your sighs aren’t happy.
You don’t like what you see.
Mum you don’t look happy,
They say you look like me.
I thought you were beautiful,
Was I wrong to think like that?
Are we not beautiful people?
Mum, do I look fat?

Sketch number one - The Beginning

Flying into Calgary seeing the natural and farmer made patterns of the land
Pencil, Acrylic and Watercolour

All I know is i need to draw.
I need to draw each day.
It may not be good.
It may indeed suck.
It just needs to be done.
To become better,
i must practise,
not hide,
nor ignore.
Just do
I have a need to draw,
not a need to be good.
This much is all i know.

In 8 years i will be the same age as my father when he died. My father gave me a gift to want to draw when i was too young to realize what it was. The not "good enough"s and the "other people are better than me"s made me forget what he intended to give - the need. 8 years until I am the age he left us - how many drawings is that? I dedicate each one to him and his gift - of books, art materials and of making drawing matter. I found that gift of need today and each sketch Dad is in memory of you XXXX

A Mumma's musing for mother's day.

With mother's day approaching I have been thinking lots about the "mother" role. My own mum has not been well this past year which has really brought home the reality of aging and the inevitability of a life without a mother figure one day. There has also been the fact that I am a mum now with 2 growing children, what that means for me as a person and how it affects my own sense of self. Amidst all the thoughts and rambles in my head I realised two things, two rather cool things.

The first thing was I know a lot of mummas! I know a lot of mummas and I know a lot of different mummas! I know mummas who are easy going and mummas who are strict. I know mummas with happy kids, struggling kids and kids somewhere in between. I know happy mummas, over joyed mummas and mummas who are pulling our their fricking hair at the insanity of their lives. I know financially secure mummas and mummas who have financial struggles. I know mummas with husbands, without husbands, with boyfriends and with wives. I know skinny mummas, large mummas and mummas with a muffin top. Young mummas, old mummas, breastfeeding mummas and formula feeding mummas. I know mummas who can't wait for a night out on the town and mummas who struggle to leave their babies. I know mummas who homeschool and mummas desperate to find the "right" school. Mummas who stay at home and mummas who work. Mummas near, mummas far, mummas who co sleep, mummas who can't sleep. Mummas with great support, mummas who feel alone. Mummas who sing, mummas who cry and mummas alive and mummas gone.

We all know a LOT of mummas and us mummas are no doubt a mix bag of all of these and more. Being a mum has been one of the most intense roles I have ever experienced and somedays it can feel like I am in motherhood bootcamp where the coach has just made me throw up, but still expects me to run 10km. Ummm so what was the second thing I realised? Oh yeah - well it's simple really - despite popular cyber / viral criticisms, inner insecurities and the well used phrase amongst us of "I'm such a bad mum........." I have never actually met a bad mumma in my life - all those mummas I know and not a bad apple amongst them. Hey maybe that means I'm not such a bad mum afteral and nor are you! Happy Mother's Day all my funky mummas out there!