July - is all about the Connection

I slow down
and look closely.
These colours,
this sky,
that moon,
those smiles.
In this
I find peace,
I find calm,
I find home.

This month of July we are venturing back into the world, but taking it thoughtful and slow. We are going to be thinking like a snail on our outside adventures.

To be so overwhelmed and beaten to our beds as we were, we must have lost our sense of us along the way. Lost our, who we are, what we like and what we are about. Our surroundings and thoughts were no longer in sync. with us. We had been squeezing ourselves too much into those damn should’s and what do they need, what are they doing? This sent us on a downward spiral; far away from ourselves and our trust of our place in the world.

When we are stuck in our beds the world seems dangerous, noisy, uncaring and cold. It doesn’t have to be this way though. The world still loves us, has a place for us and is waiting for us to come back. That is what we are starting again to do – as we bravely open our door.

This venture does not need to be rushed – in fact it can’t be rushed. We aren’t going to fill our time or senses with what we had before – we are anew, clean slated, we are a build to come.

When you open that door and step out, breathe in deep, then look around. Look around for the first time to really see. What do you see? Not judge, but see. Are you looking at stuff that annoys you? Oh bugger that fence is so rotten, why did the postman leave that there, who dug that huge hole in the yard….Dylan!!!
This is not the voice we want – this is not connection it is reaction – try again. Strain if you have to, see one thing that is pretty, one thing that is cool, one shape that’s interesting, one colour that sings. You honestly only need to spy one thing to start, this one thing is the beginning of your brain re-train. This is your start to where you want to go.

Ok so you saw a shape! Really look at that shape – take a minute to study that shape. I know, I know this is daft Caroline – I know it feels it. But you are doing some cool stuff I promise…remember the brain re-train.

SO maybe one thing is enough for you – you are done. I can’t connect to the world with a spiral. Well a-c-t-u-a-l-l-y you can. See you are going to see that spiral on the bus, in the ceiling pattern of a coffee shop, in the fences at your local track. That spiral is going to be having little chats with you along your way and sending out a hi. You may even have seen a colour you liked or a colour combination that sent you a thrill – hey guess what – that colour combination exists on that trail you thought you might like to walk, on the painted doors of those houses you walk by, in that hat you saw in that shop.

While you were looking and seeing that spiral, in that weird fence at the track, you happened to see the sky. You hadn’t noticed the clouds like that before – wow the light is really dark, but glowing today – really glowing on that hill there – that hill there – how long has that been there? I like the way it semi- cuts into the landscape.

Hang on what happened to that rotten old fence, that hole in the yard, that person who gets on your nerves? Well maybe they suddenly aren’t the only things in your world. Your world – right on your doorstep has actually become quite interesting. Simple, yes…but thrilling too. To know that little bursts of joy can be so easily grasped is a wonder in itself. The changes we are making aren’t drastic, but at the same time you will notice a shift in your mood, your choices, in the way you frame your day. This is your secret – this isn’t a fad diet you have to tell people about, a self help book you need to explain – this is just a private, knowing smile and friendly greet between you and your world.

As you connect with the world again – you’ll honestly begin to see it as a friend. It is on your side – it has a place for you. Each step you take to see what it is that appeals to you will send more messages that will spread into your day and your sense of place. This is where you begin again, but on simpler, manageable terms that will fit your own shape, your own values and dreams. Connecting in this way is going to start the positive change you have been seeking and it will start with one simple thing.

So here’s to July being full of our little shimmering snail trails. I wonder where it will take you?

June - is all about the strength

Strength

Is to own
who I am,
what I like,
what I did,
what I do and
what I don't want to.

Strength
is to own
both the
truth and the
dreams and
sit quietly
with these
without apology
or need
for validation.

I am mixing it up a little this month and would like to give a warm welcome to my guest blogger Dalyce from December Studio who I asked to share her thoughts on what it is to nurture strength.

“You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.” —Pena Chodron

Growing up, the world taught me that emotions are a sign of weakness and inherently shameful. In adulthood I’ve grown to understand that emotions are the language of the human trifecta—mind.body.spirit. Emotions are energetic guides, the messengers of navigating life, and they must be acknowledged, looked at, cared for and then let go of. If we ignore, repress or judge our feelings we hold the energy in limbo and it becomes poison for our whole selves. Strength and resilience comes from working with your emotions instead of against them.

Self care is a hot topic these days and is promoted as treating yourself to that sweet coffee drink or glass of wine or new outfit. I think this is definitely ok sometimes, but true, sustainable self-care is not about contriving a temporary sense of ease + feel good vibes. It’s about digging deep into what feels tricky in order to sustain a core of ease and live in the flow of high vibrations regularly.

In my art practice, my internal self doubt gremlins surface on the regular. At the beginning of my journey these little fiends were nasty. They caused me to want to give up every day. My love for creativity, however, drove me forward and through that dedication I began to look my nasty gremlins in the eye and ask what they were trying to show me. They were just the relics of past conditioning wanting to be brought to light. When they’d show up I would counterbalance them with words of encouragement and love until eventually they weakened and shrunk. I began a system of emotional self care.

Very recently I started a focused meditation practice whereby I talk kindly to my body, my heart, by mind and my soul. I thank each of them for what they’ve given me to get through this life. I also visualize my family and envision sending them clear blue light energy to surround and support them. I send them gratitude for the love and support they show to me and others in life. It’s my form of prayer and has proven to be a very helpful way to soften my emotional responses toward myself and my loved ones during the hard times of life. By starting everyday in gratitude for these gifts, my well for grace grows deeper and fuller and my ability to navigate through difficult emotions gets stronger.

By embracing our emotions, owning our quirks, accepting what we love for what it is, allowing mistakes and creating healthy boundaries—we build emotional strength and resilience. Gratitude for what life brings forward guides us into courage, confidence, and personal power. It also allows us to accept others more easily which diminishes judgement and fear-based thinking—and, side benefit, helps us accept ourselves more fully too.
Emotions are not the enemy, but the key to understanding who we are, what we want and how we intend to live our lives. They are like the weather: changing, growing,building, diminishing. They come, they go and they help us to grow.

What ways do you build emotional strength and resilience?

May - is all about the acceptance

Acceptance

Neither
reaching
for the moon,
nor bound to
the ground.
Happy is
when I
can float
amongst
the stars.


This picture popped into my head one day as a speedy moment of clarity.
You know those!
When everything makes sense for a brief second and then everything feels clumsy and confusing again.
I made the picture to remind myself of that clear moment as it held the key to my experience of happiness.
One of the things I struggle with is change and expectations.
I can ruin an experience because it isn’t what I thought it would be or what I had originally planned.
That can make for an interesting time because life is completely haphazard and entirely built on change.
My teacher in this has been my noisy boy, who also struggles with these.
We talk a lot about transitions (that is the moment between one thing and another thing – yep it’s a thing)
and we talk a lot about expectations and how something might be going sideways because of unknown territory and / or differences in what we thought would happen. My son and I seem to feel more comfortable with a perceived feeling of control in situations, but we are learning how to negotiate our way through this by giving up the reins sometimes. Just as my little girl is teaching me piano, my boy is my lesson in feelings.

When I think back on moments that I haven’t ruined with my sulky face. Times when I have in fact let loose, chilled out, or even (dare I say it), “gone with the flow” – it feels AMAZING! I know I have it in me – I just forget to switch it on and that is my homework for May.

If this sounds in anyway familiar to you I have been playing a game with myself for the last couple of weeks called the Acceptance game. Before I explain I should note that this is not a lesson for passivity. IT isn’t about accepting status quo when status quo is truly affecting you negatively. This is more about times when you are getting in your own way of enjoyment, contentment and just plain chilling to make for a happier day. Ok back to the game. SO here are some prime examples of me.

1. I am getting completely wound up by some random person in life for some perceived thing they have done. Game on. I accept I am getting wound up right now, but I choose not to let this ruin this day.

2. The kids are hyper, I have to cook dinner and there are 6 things spinning through my head about stuff I have to do and I am going to loose my mind. Game on. I accept that all I have to do right now is cook dinner. I choose to not think of these other things I need to do right now.

3. Malaise of mood about weight, work, messiness or my general crappiness at something. I accept I feel crappy right now about (put in issue of the moment) but I choose to do something that makes me uncrappy (like make a picture, drink a tea, take a breath, take a walk, get that washing up finished).

4. Decisions. I am terrible at making decisions especially about things that I don’t really want to think about, but have to in grown up land. Once I make a decision about how I might handle a tricky situation, a business choice or a personal matter, whatever it is I will still churn it over in my mind. If it was a situation I was feeling particularly prickly about then on and on in my head it will go even though I have decided what I am going to do and already taken action. Game on. I accept that I have made my decision and I stand by that decision. I chose now to lay this situation to rest and move on.

It sounds very basic I know, but little, by little something started to shift in me. That heavy weight that joins my ears to my shoulders did actually start to lift. All I was really doing was being a kind person to myself to stop the spiraling, but because I wasn’t spending so much of my day in a spiral I was less tired, less hurt and less burdened. I wasn’t striving to change things, to “fix” these perceived problems, nor was I letting myself be dragged down by them, all I was doing was saying “oh yeah there you are and moving on”.

This is early days of course. Last week the sun was shining, a warm spring had arrived and my mood was lighter. Today a rainy day seems to have taken its toll on me and I can feel the stress rise again bit, by bit. If I can keep up my awareness though, keep up the training of these acceptance muscles of mine, I can still build a resiliency and learn not to freak out so much at change and sudden circumstance. Learn to hang back a bit rather than kick into reactive mode. Become a little more wait and see, rather than fluster and fear of fate. For my noisy boy I can do this so that more and more we will both be just chilling in the stars.

Good luck my friends with your trials of acceptance this month of May. What are the triggers that make you get the board out for your acceptance game?